Summit
by Zayz
Summary: In which Schmidt figures out that Nick and Jess are dating, and calls an emergency bro summit with a napping Winston.


A/N: This was hanging out in my fan-fic folder and I had totally forgotten about it until today. By chance, I happened to click on it – and actually, I liked it. So I finished it up and here it is! It's just a short, silly little thing but I hope you guys like it too.

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**Summit  
By: Zayz**

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"Winston. _Winston!_ Winston, wake up!"

Winston, who had been in the middle of a nap on the couch, flinched. As his eyes fluttered open, he found Schmidt's face looming urgently in his. Winston jumped at Schmidt's sudden proximity, then rolled his eyes.

"Go away, Schmidt," he said, pulling a pillow over his face.

"Winston, this is really important, and we don't have much time," said Schmidt. "Nick and Jess are finally gone, so we can talk in peace."

"About what?" mumbled Winston.

"I have to tell you something – something important! Wake up!" Schmidt snatched the pillow away from Winston's hands. Sunlight assaulted his eyelids, making him cringe.

"Seriously, Schmidt. What is wrong with you? What do you want?"

"For you to wake up, first of all," said Schmidt.

Winston sighed and sat up, rubbing his eyes and scowling resentfully at his flat-mate. "Okay, fine, I'm up. What?"

"Okay, good. Now we can start the emergency bro summit."

"The _what_?"

"This emergency bro summit has been called to discuss a very disturbing development in the ecosystem of the loft," explained Schmidt. "You see, I have suspected, for some time now, that—" He drew in a breath, gazing dramatically off into the distance.

"That what?"

"This come as a shock to you, Winston, so I ask that you please remain seated to avoid accidental injury."

"Schmidt, are you for real right now?"

Schmidt's dark brown eyes stayed fixed upon Winston with the utmost solemnity.

"Winston Bishop, it has come to my attention that our friend Nick…is dating Jess."

"Wait, you mean _our _Jess?" asked Winston. "The one who lives here?"

"Yes." Schmidt sighed, shaking his head. "I know, I know. It's outrageous."

"Man…who'd have guessed _that_?" Winston rubbed his face in his hands, eyes opening fully now, as the shock wore off and his brain whirred, trying to process the news.

"Not me. I mean, I thought Jess would have far better taste."

"I thought Nick would know better than to get involved with Jess," said Winston. "Inter-loft dating can only be bad news."

"But…Winston, we are talking about _Nick_ here," said Schmidt. "You remember him? The broke crazy weirdo who pollutes the loft and steals all the food? Why on Earth would Jess go for _that_?"

"They've always been close," shrugged Winston.

"I know, and I can't understand it!" Schmidt threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "And now they're dating. And they think they can keep it hidden from us!"

"Speaking of which – how did you figure out they were dating?"

"Oh, it was just an accident, really," said Schmidt, running a hand through his hair. "I mean, I was only hiding in Nick's closet to pay him back for that prank war he thinks I didn't know about a couple of weeks ago – I was trying to put hot sauce in his underwear – and then here they come into his room, and Jess says something about how _cute _he is – like it's possible to be cute in the unwashed hobo-wear he treks the Earth in – and Nick does that awkward laugh of his, you know—" Here, Schmidt demonstrated a chuckle that sounded more akin to the last breaths of a dying car engine "—and then they go quiet. So I peer out of the closet door, right, and there they are, making out in his room! And Jess goes—" And here, Schmidt adopts an exaggerated falsetto "—'Oh, Nicholas, let's go have breakfast at iHop!' And Nick goes—" Now Schmidt's voice shoots down two octaves into a gravely manly-man tone "—'Okay, Jessica, let's have breakfast. It's on you, though, because I am no gentleman and also I never have any money.'"

Winston fought hard to hold back his laughter. "I have never once heard Nick or Jess refer to each other as Jessica or Nicholas. Just saying."

"Well, I'm the one telling the story, and I get creative license, all right?" Schmidt snapped. "Anyway. They were all gushy and cuddly for a little while longer, and then they went to iHop. By this point, I mean, my nose was a goner – have you ever seen Nick do his laundry or is it just me that always misses it? – so I came out here and woke you up and told you everything."

"So…you're sure the creative license didn't extend to you seeing a relationship that wasn't really there?"

"Yes, I'm sure, Winston!" Schmidt shook his head. "I can't believe you don't trust me."

"I do trust you! It's just…it's a big development, you know? Gotta make sure my source is accurate."

"Well, your source _is_ accurate." Schmidt pouted. "I can't believe they didn't tell us."

"You can't believe it? It's probably because of what you're doing now," pointed out Winston. "You know, being all crazy and judgmental."

"I'm not being judgmental," sniffed Schmidt. "I simply think they are all wrong for each other and now the whole loft chemistry is going to be out of whack."

"Or…everything could be fine," said Winston. "Maybe it'll be the same as before, only now, instead of sleeping with other random people, Jess and Nick will sleep with each other."

"I think I just vomited in my mouth a little bit."

"Oh, Schmidt, quit being a drama queen," said Winston, getting up from the couch and patting Schmidt on the back. "They'll be fine."

"No, they most certainly will not be!" insisted Schmidt, following Winston to the kitchen as Winston made himself a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich. "Look, I know exactly how this is going to go, all right? It'll start out adorable and fun, going to iHop and rubbing it in our faces. But then Nick is going to be all weird and distant, because the only commitment he has ever made is the time in college when he vowed to never eat oranges for the rest of his life – and then Jess is going to get super attached, and she'll try to be optimistic, and 'fix' Nick – but Nick is about as fixable as your old car was, Winston, and then they're going to break up. And Jess is going to put us through the _Dirty Dancing _hell that was her break-up with Spencer. I cannot go through that again, I cannot! And then one or both of them will move out, and it'll be because sex ruined our whole loft chemistry."

Winston chuckled, spreading the jelly on the top piece of toast and taking a bite. "You know, Schmidt, sometimes I think you're about as crazy as Nick is," he said. "Look, Nick and Jess are trying something out. Personally, I'm glad Jess is nowhere near as toxic as Caroline – I mean, we were this close to having them back together again, remember? So, let them try it out. They're grown-ups. They'll figure it out."

"Or – they won't."

"You don't know that."

"Oh, but I do, Winston," said Schmidt solemnly. "Out of the two of us, who has had more action since you came back to the States?"

"It is not about that—"

"Only because the answer is 'Schmidt,'" he retorted.

"Like I said – you're being crazy. They'll be fine. I get that you're concerned, but stranger things have been known to happen."

"Like what?"

"Like…well, like you dating Cece. No one saw _that _coming."

"She couldn't resist me," Schmidt said proudly, puffing out his chest. "Never could."

"Anyway. There's your example."

Schmidt sighed. "Well, it's not a good one, since we eventually broke up. But all right. Fine. I get your point. They'll date regardless of how horrible a decision it is, and we will just have to deal with the fall-out when they inevitably break up."

"You're a real supportive friend, Schmidt." Winston patted his shoulder, polished off the last of his sandwich. "Now, if you'll excuse me – I have a nap to finish. Try not to find out Jess is pregnant or something before I'm done."


End file.
